I have a gorgeous pair of new shoes. They were a bargain and exactly what I was searching for, perfect for Kirsty and Jims wedding in a couple of weeks time.
However I have a few issues regarding these implements of sluttish behaviour:
- They have the most massive heel. Somehow I look a little less Glamazon and a little more Danny La Rue in them. Lets put this into perspective, in these heels, I'm as tall as Dave.
Dave is 6'3"!
....I'm a man for gods sake! - The fact that I haven't adorned such dizzying creations since the start of my antipodean adventure means that I am very bad at walking in heels. So much so that I have found that I actually walk as if protecting a scrotal sack between my gargantuan thighs!
Or at least I'm strutting like Beyonce Knowles at any rate... - Because I have been living as a sandgroper for two years means that I have lived in flipflops and now my feet have spread and resemble those of Frodo the Hobbit. I have tried to stretch the shoes to fit non-asian princess feet but I fear nerve damage and amputation before my forth coming holiday is over.
- I fear altitude sickness.
- And alcohol....
Did you not see Naomi Campbell in those Vivienne Westwood platforms that time? That will be me sashaying up the aisle to deliver my reading only to topple and drag the best man down with me, possibly showing my knickers to the entire congregation in the process!
How do I learn to walk in heels in the manner of Sarah Jessica Parker in Sex and the City?
People, you have two weeks to whip me into shape!
8 comments:
nat my advice to you is find some spare flooring and practice on that if you can master walking on shiny bamboo flooring in mega high heels then your made!!! no use in practicing on carpet or outside cos thats easy!!! bring on the shiny surfaces!!!!
Im with Shazza however you know that as soon as you've had a few of the ole sherry's you'll kick em off and dance the night away bare foot! x
Sarah Jessica Parker looks like a foot!
Why not saw off half to make it easier?
xx
Shaz, Can't wear them on the bamboo cos Dave won't let me! Have practised running around the bedroom and through the walk in wardrobe in the manner of SJP running through the streets of New York!
Moo, am considering taking my flipflops so when I've have a few G&Ts I can go for comfort!
Spunky I am not an ugly sister! Even if I look like one in these heels! I'll be as tall as you in them!
Thanks for the advice, keep those pearls coming!
XX
nat i didnt think that dave would let you spoil your gorgeous floors thats why i said some spare flooring!! do you not have any off cuts that you could piece together?? and i have to agree with moo you will take them off after a few pints!! remember the night we met ian in the bells!!! ladies put your shoes on or leave!! the start of a beautiful friendship with the bouncer!!! you asked me last week if i wanted anything taken back from the uk, well yes!!! some nytol one a night and 20 lambert and butler ciggies please!!! none of the over the counter insomniac remedies work here!!!
Shaz, have been wearing them whilst watching Time Team. It wasn't just my feet that fell asleep!
Will bring you back ciggies and perhaps some chocolate?
Oh my god!! Did you steal your feet off of a passing hobbit!! They never looked that big before!! Those shoes are huge are they really Dave's!!
Just teasing because I have abnormally small feet for a fat bird!!
Love me
Joe
Joe, 'actuwally those hobbits stole their feet from moy'?!?
Have been practising.....
However I look more like Felicia than Bernadette!
Oh, what to do? i may turn up in my converse trainers after all!
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