Saturday, October 25, 2008

Letter To Reknowned Australian Chocolate Company...

Dear Sir/Madam

I am writing to inform you of a very concerning incident that occurred today. I am a nurse working on a busy Oncology ward in
Western Australia. One of our elderly patients very kindly bought the members of staff a box of your ‘After Dinner Indulgence’ chocolates. This was a very kind gesture from a patient who not only is a pensioner with a low income but a person with a terminal illness who has many other things to think about than poor quality chocolates.

Our patient took great delight in presenting us with this box of chocolates, so much so that he insisted that we open them there and then so he could take pleasure from seeing us enjoying them.

Imagine our shock when on removing the cellophane and opening the box, a moth flew out. On further inspection, a large yellow maggot was found, wrapped delicately around the coconut torte. So surprised was one of our nurses that she collapsed, launching the box in the air.

As you can imagine, much madness ensued.

The resus team was called and the nurse was resuscitated on the floor to an audience of patients, relatives and the old ladies that sell sweets from a roving trolley. The doctors worked valiantly using shots of adrenaline and atropine mixed with cries of "you WILL NOT die, God Damn you". Fortunately only one round with the defib machine was required before we managed to find a pulse and the nurse woozily came round.

Meanwhile the maggot escaped his chocolaty hideout undulating towards the nearest patient who happened to have a very nasty wound on his foot. There he found solace hidden amongst the rotting flesh.

We searched high and low for the beast whilst evacuating the patients into the unit next door. The pest control team were called and arrived adorned with fluorescent over-alls and WW2 gas masks. They commando rolled into the unit lobbing gas bombs to all corners of the ward.

Through the fog I detected the patient sobbing uncontrollably.

This is when I thought 'enough is enough. No-one makes my patients cry' (unless it's me with an ill aimed needle). Mr Big Chocolate Manufacturer Man, you have made me very cross. Patients do not need to worry themselves about the quality of the chocolate that they offer to the angels working within our health care system.

I ask you, how would you feel? All I request is an affirmation that this has been a disservice towards the hard working health professionals and patients Australia wide.

....a small holiday in Bali might cover the angst felt during this stressful time

Yours sincerely

Natalie *******

PS If you were wondering, the patients wound came up lovely after the maggots feast. Thank god for small mercies!

The coconut torte....

The very caramello caramel. No chocolate was spared!

NB: I do realise that the above creature is not actually a maggot but a weevil. I know this as it was diagnosed by a Vet... yes, so horrific was this case, a vet was consulted!


Sparkle said...

Natalie is back! I laughed and laughed thank you for making my sides hurt. Love you Baby Girlxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Anonymous said...

Didn't this happen before? Maybe someone is trying to tell you something! Although that maggot looked full of nutrients and very tasty! I wonder if he was chocolate flavoured?

Nat said...

Sparkle. Thank you. It's just a one off though. Am sure. Mojo is very rusty.

Joe. This is the same. Just didn't write it up before. Found some notes and went with it. Nothing interesting has happened in an age.

J.J said...

I feel ill myself having read this!