Feeling Hot, Hot, Hot! Areeeeba!

32 degrees today!

I went to the beach to try and shake off the final remants of my Scottish Tan. My legs are starting to regain a non-death colour at last! However it's just highlighting the flourescence of my other white bits! I could guide people through the darkness with my luminous white boobs!

My local beach is Leighton Beach. Immaculate white sands, just enough surf to have fun in and the most turqouise waters I have ever seen. As I laid my day-glo pink towel out on the sand I had an overwhelming feeling to tear off my tshirt and jump into the water. To hell with the sharks and jellyfish. The water was so refreshing and clear it made my nerves disappear almost immediately. I can't remember when I started to get scared of the water. Maybe It wasn't until the shark stories began to circulate (however I've always been irrationally afeard of seaweed!?). Anyway I am now realising that the sharks are the fashion police of the sea. The last few attacks have all been on people with either a; buck teeth and a non retro eighties fashion sense or b; a beer gut and a comb-over (I mean, who could possible think that a comb-over will stop people from noticing a baldy heid?)

Well I'm almost conquering my fear of the water now. After a few minutes of trying to body surf the waves and rolling around like a mermaid I remembered how much of a water baby I used to be and I bathed in that glorious feeling that only swimming in the great unknown can give you. In my area of the beach there wasn't a soul to be seen except for an old hippy surfer dude in his sixties sporting a ZZ Top-esque beard. After a few minutes of not catching any waves he started paddling away from me. Well I think it was to do with the lack of surf. It could have been that he was a little scared of the squealing coming from the born again mermaid ten metres up the beach. I realise that I would have looked less 'mental' if I was swimming with someone but according to Aussies it's still spring and therefore far too chilly to go swimming still! So alas I had to experience this alone.

I made sure that I didn't stray into the midnight blue areas of the sea and stuck with the clear 'see all the way to the bottom' turqouise bits. Maybe next time I'll swim further. Or maybe not!! When I had exhausted every squeal and giggle I tried to exit the Indian Ocean in a bond girl manner but probably looked more like a shipwrecked survivor clambouring onto the sands in a 'one more step before I collapse' way! I fell onto my towel and started to sunbake.

There is a typical Western Australia joke which goes along the lines of when you get off the plane in Perth each passenger receives fifty complimentary flies which shall be their companion throughout their stay in WA. I hadn't believed it until today!

Every time I lay still for a second, twenty tiny flies and bugs descended on me like a fat kid on a cup cake. I ended up looking like an epileptic convulsing each time I could feel the pitter patter of teeny fly feet on my skin. I looked around me at the other people on the beach. They were all lying motionless and dignified looking. Maybe it was just me. Did I smell? Did I now stink of fish guts after bathing in the lavatory of the sea-world? It was enough to give myself a complex. I eventually tried ignoring them and it worked a little. Next time though I shall be taking a super-size can of Raid with me to the beach. Lets see then who thinks they are the tough flies!

I spent a couple of hours reading and listening to the waves crashing onto the bleached sands before packing up my stuff to leave. I didn't want to outstay my welcome and end up looking like a Brit Abroad with lobster shoulders and white strap marks. I'm an Aussie now remember! The sand being soft and silky beforehand had now turned molten and was not only burning my feet but sucking them down deeper into the beach with each step. This prolonged the agony of the walk across the beach back to my car and by the time the beach eventually let me go I was sporting third degree burns to my legs up to my ankles! Next time I'll wear flippers across the steaming sands.

However there is nothing like the slightly scorched feeling of your newly freckled skin and the smell of coconut from the sunscreen to make you think you are on holiday. It once again reminded me of how lucky I am to have been given this opportunity to live in this paradise.

It's flipping marvellous here and I now have the not so hard task to try and tempt you over to taste the Aussie delights yourself. Anyone need a holiday?