Rock It Revision

1. 1. Dave Grohl is a respected and intelligent musician. Not a teenage heart throb who needs to be screamed at when close to!
   
2. 2. Wearing of eyeliner at a Kaiser Chiefs gig is not frowned upon but positively encouraged.
   
3. 3. When crowd surfing, one must ensure that a, shoelaces are tied in double bows and secure to feet, b, you develop a rapport with fellow moshers therefore allowing you free passage and relative safety when being transported to the front of the crowd and c, a distressed look appears on ones face before reaching the bouncers and therefore discouraging them to grunt at you about crowd surfing not being nice behaviour or worse, threatening eviction of concert.
   
4. Also extra points will be awarded for those people who crowd surf in original ways ie, in an old tin bath tub whilst holding a loofah aloft or sat on an inflatable armchair waving the remote control at the crowd!
   
5. If per chance a camera swipes in your direction it is only considered reasonable behaviour to flash boobies or bra if boobies/bra in good working condition. No chewing gum grey undies on display please.
   
6. Words to well known songs should be committed to memory prior to said event. Words to obscure 'die-hard fan' songs should also be memorised if you are wanting the respect of the crowd and/or band (you never know, they may catch sight of you and allow you your chance to sing alongside them)
   
7. Learn to play at least four chords proficiently on the guitar. Believe me this may come in handy. I watched once, as a young girl took to the stage with Green Day and she played those four chords so well throughout the song that Billie Joe rewarded her with his beloved guitar!
   
8. Start learning to tolerate warm beer (am not sure about this one. Does this just happen in the UK?) or learn to smuggle boxes of wine down your pants a la Jim CunningLinguist (above).
   
9. Think about what you will say if you come face to face with your treasured rock star. Instead of screaming and slurring 'I love you, I used to have a poster of you on my wall and I would kiss it every night'. Say something profound and appear non-fazed at colliding with a shiny star.
   
10. Uttering such insanities as 'I dunno, I mean The Foofs are alright and everything but I would much prefer to see Hiliary Duff in concert' will earn you a discerning sneer from the bouncers as they kick your lily-suger-coated-pop arse out of the event. Keep such thoughts for your psychiatrist.
    
11. If invited to sit on the knee of Dave Grohl whilst he serenades you, it is considered polite behaviour to comment on how shiny and soft his beard is.
    
12. Try and aviod the temptation of getting thoroughly shit-faced on warm alco-pops. You will want to remember the whole of day, not just the bands who can only play in time if someone is clapping the rhythm in the wings ( ie those who are playing at eleven thirty am)!